Those Little Moments of Joy

Lately motherhood has been messy and overwhelming. 

It has been hard transitioning into a new job and learning how to balance working at home while also looking after a crawling 8 month old while also stressing every day over Ryan finding a job. 

Once again, I feel like we are in this in between stage – waiting for our lives to begin. And it makes me feel so guilty and anxious.

I feel anxious that Ryan won’t find a job that he loves and will take a job to make ends meet. I worry that we won’t be able to provide Wyatt with everything we want to give him. 

I feel guilty because lately I’ve found myself counting down the minutes to Wyatt’s next naptime so I can get some work done. I feel like I’m ignoring him while he plays on the floor by himself and I’m focused on my computer. I feel guilty that I can’t give him 100% of my attention.

But then all it takes is one little moment of joy. One little smile from Wyatt that reminds me that everything is okay. He reminds me to live in the present. That right now all he needs is our love and our smiles. 

Motherhood will always be overwhelming. Life will always be messy. There are no “in between” stages of life. This is our life, right now, we are living it. His sweet smiles remind me to reach out and to capture these little moments before they are gone. 

WyattGapcastingcall

 

Wyatt: 8 Months

wyatt8months10       
Wyatt turned eight months last Saturday! As time goes by, the months go by faster and faster. I can’t believe we have an eight month old. 

It’s been a busy month of growth for our loving little boy. He is now army crawling everywhere, has two teeth, is very curious, and loves to pick up everything in reach. 

wyatt8months1

Weight:  I’d guess around 20 pounds

Length: I’d guess around 28 inches. 

wyatt8months11

Hair: light brown and getting longer all over. When he wakes up in the morning he looks like a mad scientist. 

Eyes: Blue

Nicknames: Wy, Wy-Wy, Mr. Man, Bink, Stinky

wyatt8months17

Likes: The boy is on the move! He likes to crawl and explore everywhere. He army crawls very well and does it until he turns all red and works up a sweat. Examining everything in his reach. Eating! and Books.

wyatt8months16

wyatt8months20

Dislikes: Sleeping in his crib. Getting dressed. 

Clothing and Diapers: Mix of 3-6 month and 6-12  and size 3 diapers. 

Sleep: He is getting better at taking scheduled naps, about three a day. They range from 15 minutes to a hour. At night he’s getting better too. He wakes up about once or twice a night, but still will only sleep in his rock n play!! We are doomed when he grows out of it…

wyatt8months14

Feeding: Breastfed every three hours and eats two – three solids a day. Usually a fruit or veggie puree that I mix up in the morning and oatmeal at night. He likes everything.

Milestones: Army crawling everywhere. Rolling at lightning speed. Grabbing at everything. Two teeth. Taking better naps. “Talking” much more, he’s a pro at saying “dadadadadada” . 

wyattmonths7 wyatt8months8

Favorite Things: Board books, Mickey Mouse, Hot Dog song, singing, listening to music, crawling around, balls, his stacking rings, his wooden school bus toy, and dogs. 

wyatt8months15

What I want to remember:

How happy he gets when we get into the pool. 

The way he kicks and flails about when he hears the Hot Dog Song 

How happy he gets when mommy or daddy come home.

The way he picks and pulls at the grass.

The way he smashes and nuzzles his face up into my shoulder. I think of it as his way of kissing me. 

wyatt8months9

wyatt8months4 wyatt8months3

 

 

 

   
  

   
        

On My First Mother’s Day

wyattweek1.13

I feel like I should have something poetic or even profound to say on my first Mother’s Day. But in honesty, I am overburdened with too many words, too many thoughts, too many emotions to thread them together in a coherent message. The best way I seem to express myself these days are through soft tears that water up my eyes when I take a time out to think about the past 8 months of my life. 

Perhaps that is motherhood’s way of keeping you sane. You are so busy with all of the changes – the diaper changes, the laundry changes, the dishwasher changes, the growing baby that changes daily that you don’t have enough time to reflect on how you have changed. 

The daily life as a mother is so heavy. I’m constantly balancing life as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend, as an employee, and as a woman. Every day I feel overwhelmed. There have been many times where I’ve questioned my ability to be a good mother, many times when I just wanted to give up and stay in bed all day or take the longest shower of my life while the baby screamed in the other room. 

But I did what mothers have been doing for centuries. I took a big breath and kept on going.

Kept waking up every three hours. Changed a diaper 5 minutes after I just changed the last. I sacrificed showers and dinners with friends and time with my husband to care for a baby who seemed to do nothing but eat, cry, and poop. 

You just keep moving. 

The magic of motherhood sneaks up to you in those mundane moments. It happens during that 4 a.m. feeding when you can’t keep your eyes open and you think you will never sleep again, but then the baby smiles at you for the very first time.

It happens when you’re changing your 10th diaper for the day but then the baby rolls over and giggles at you.

It happens when you’re glued to the couch pumping more milk for when you will be apart while working and the baby starts to crawl and looks up at you with so much pride and excitment.

It happens when you are lying awake in bed full of anxiety but then get a whiff of the little newborn, heavy in sleep, lying on your chest and just feel so alive.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. But, love is all around, even in the middle of the night when you feel nothing but alone.

Just keep moving, the love will surprise you when you least expect it, coming at you full force, fueling up your heart for another day, surprising you and changing you in the most profound way.  

 

What’s Going On?

13094207_872301648819_3222459095589382322_n

I think it’s easy to say that I’ve made a fast transition into a full mommy blogger. Sorry for all you childless readers – but this is my life now. As it’s been awhile since I posted on anything not completely about Wyatt I thought I’d drop in and give a little life update.

The Big Stuff:

  • I quit my job! It was time for a change and I was missing Wyatt terribly during the day. If you follow me on Instagram you saw my announcement last week. I have started a new part-time work from home job. Happiness and family time is much more important to me than money. So, after much thought, I decided it best to leave my job and pursue this new opportunity. I started working last week for the PA Philharmonic, a regional orchestra whose main mission is education. Music education is very close to my heart and I feel energized working for a company I believe in. No job is perfect, and I know there will be some challenges, but I’m so excited about this new chapter of my life and how much more time it will allow me to spend with Wyatt. 
  • Ryan’s current position as a Law Clerk ends at the end of the summer so he has been job searching as well. We are in the state of limbo again – waiting to see where he will get a job. We truly hope it will be here in Lancaster and that it will be a long time position. It’s time to build some roots. 
  • Today, my dad is having major surgery. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. I’m on standby with my mom and Pop-Pop in the hospital and are all rooting for him. 

The Little Stuff:

  • I finally started running again. I’m up to one mile at a time with out wanting to pass out….that’s far away from the 4-5 miles I used to be able to do, but it’s a start!
  • I got a Fit Bit Zip for my birthday and I”m obsessed with counting my steps! You can often find me walking in place or dancing like a fool in front of Wyatt to get my extra steps. 
  • I’m also started reading again. Other mamas – how do you read with a newborn? I was lucky to squeeze in a page or two. I think I’ve read three books since Wyatt was born. “Bringing up Bebe” “The Nightingale” and “The Martian”. I’m currently reading “Secrets of a Charmed Life”. Once again, it’s a far cry from the one book every week or two, but it’s a start!
  • We’ve been catching up on the Oscar movies (something else I’m very far behind on) Lately we’ve watched The Martian, Spotlight, Brooklyn, and The Big Short. 
  • Those are just two examples how I feel like we are settling into a routine. It feel like we’ve finally got a few things figured out. Wyatt is sleeping a little bit more allowing us to stay up together at night more and do things like watch movies and read books. 
  • As much as we are in a routine, things are always changing! We feel like we are on the edge of our seats waiting to see where Ryan will find a job and where we may be living in the near future. I have major house fever (kind of like baby fever, but with wanting to buy a house!)

That’s basically what’s going on! It’s been a busy/stressful early Spring of transitions. We are ready for whatever comes next! What is new with you?