Wyatt: 7 Months

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Wyatt turned seven months last Thursday and we are having SO much fun with him. His laughter is infectious and the cutest sound on the planet. 

Every day he is more and more alert to the world around him and loves exploring new people and places. He’s a little squirmy wormy and does not sit still. 

Weight:  18 pounds

Length: 27.5 inches

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Hair: light brown and he has gotten so much more hair this past month!

Eyes: Blue

Nicknames: Wy, Wy-Wy, Mr. Man. Stink Bink. 

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Likes: Rolling! This guy loves to roll and roll and roll. Don’t blame him since it’s his only mode or transportation! He also still loves all books and singing his favorite songs. Touching our faces and putting his fingers in our mouths. He loves taking walks in our new lillebaby, especially forward facing so he can check everything and everyone out. 

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Dislikes: Sleeping in his crib. 

Clothing and Diapers: 3-6 month and size 3 diapers. 

Sleep: I refer to him as “The Baby Who Refuses to Sleep”. Naps are few and far between and he refuses to sleep in his crib. We try. We try crying it out, controlled crying out, a very in depth routine, different bed times. And nothing works. He will only fall asleep in his rock n play. I don’t know what we will do when he grows out of it!

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Feeding: Breastfed every three hours and eats two solids a day. Usually a fruit or veggie puree that I mix up in the morning and oatmeal at night. So far he has tried sweet potatoes, bananas, apples, peas, butternut squash, avocado, and rice and oatmeal cereal. He likes everything.

He wasn’t too sure of the sourish taste of the apples at first and made this hilarious face. But still ate all of them!

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Milestones: Rolling freely front back to belly and belly to back over and over. Sitting up by himself for about 20 seconds. Grabbing at everything. Shaking his rattles and bell toys with glee.

Attended his first swim lesson! We are going every Tuesday morning for six weeks and he loved it! I hope he’s a little fishy like I was growing up.  He also is showing all signs of teething and gets rather fussy some days but no actual teeth cutting through yet. I also think he’s so close to crawling. My guess is by the end of May. 

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Favorite Things: Cloth books, board books, singing, Mickey Mouse Hot Dog singing doll, bell rattle, panda toy, activity center, Seaseme Street pop up toy, cold teething keys, baby einstein guitar, play cell phone, playing with his feet and sucking on everything!

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What I want to remember:

 

How happy he is all the time! Seriously, he’s such a happy baby and delights in the smallest things. I’m grateful for how I can make him happy by just making a silly face or doing a silly dance for him. 

Reading to him before bedtime.

How fortunate I feel to still be nursing him. 

The way he wacks himself in the stomach when he’s SUPER excited. 

Our first Easter with him.

How excited he was to be requainted with his favorite toy from his newborn days, his panda.

How much fun we had at swim lessons. 

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Dear Wyatt,

I don’t know how it’s possible, but every day I love you more. I love your curiosity and the joy that you experience with every little moment and new experience. The days are going by too fast. How are you already more than half of they way to your first birthday? I’m so lucky to spend the days with you. We are learning new things together, like how to let you cry on your own a little, even though it tears me apart. The fact that you are now eating solids and sleeping in your own room (although in your beloved rock n play) makes me realize that you are not completely dependent on me anymore and it’s so very bittersweet. You’ll always be my special little baby boy and I’ll always be here for you as you experiment with your independence. I can tell that you can’t wait to do more things on your own. I will be standing by watching you with the biggest smile on my face and in my heart. 

Love always,

Mommy

 

 

 

   
  

   
        

Wyatt: 6 Months

wyatt6months1 wyatt6months2              IMG_3866  Wyatt turned six months on Monday and we just had his check up this morning.

Six months! How can it be that our little man has been in our lives for half of a year?  

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He has grown so much, both physically and developmentally this past month. He’s starting to look and act more like a little boy each day. My baby is growing up!

Overall he is a very happy and smiley baby. He brightens up our days with his huge toothless grin and loves to “flirt” with almost everyone. 

IMG_3902 Weight:  17 pounds 3.5 ounces

Length: 27.25 inches

Hair: brown

Eyes: Blue

Nicknames: Wy, Wy-Wy, Mr. Man. Mr. Stinky 

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Likes: Singing and music. He loves the Hot Dog Song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, (even if he’s never seen the show) He goes legit berserk whenever we play the song on our phones. He also loves just rolling around on the floor and exploring. 

Dislikes: Going down for a nap, going to bed at night, and waking up from a nap. He basically hates to sleep. I don’t get it. 

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Clothing and Diapers: He’s mostly all in 3-6 month clothing and size 2 diapers and still using cloth diapers about 50% of the time. 

Sleep: It’s feeling pretty non existant. Some nights I feel like I’m dealing with a dictating newborn again. At night he’s up every 2-3 hours and the only thing that calms him down is the boob. I’m tired. He’s tired. Everyone is cranky. We have a solid bedtime routine. He is sleepy at night. He CAN self soothe. We have a lovely crib for him to sleep in. He rolls over onto his belly and gets very frustrated that he can’t roll back. Starts screaming and he ends up in his co-sleeper or in the rock n play by 12. 

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Feeding: He eats every 3 hours.  Still exclusively breast-fed. On Sunday we fed him his first solids: banana! He was very intrigued and it was a very messy and fun experience. 

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Wyatt’s First Food: Banana! from KatieMacDonald on Vimeo.

Milestones: Holding up his head very well. Almost sitting up. Rolling over a lot, but still hasn’t fully mastered rolling over from belly to back. Playing in his activity center. Eating bananas. “Talking” more. Blowing raspberries. Lots of drool but no teeth yet. Reaching his arms up to be picked up. 

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Favorite Things: Hot Dog Song, Peekaboo books, Mr. Brown Can Moo book, bear sleepy stuffed animal, jelly cat kitty tail book, wubanubs, pulling of socks, eating feet, balls, playing peekaboo, rolling over, soothing teething keys. Playing with his feet.

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What I want to remember:

How happy he is to see Daddy when he comes home from work.

They way he reaches up to us to be picked up now.

How his giggles are the best sound ever. 

The rare moments he still wants me to hold him whiles he’s napping. 

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Dear Wyatt,

You are turning into a little guy with such a happy and fun personality. You think life is just so much fun that you never want to miss a beat or close your eyes to sleep. Waking up to your big beautiful smile everyday makes my life worth living, even after sleepless nights. You help me relax and realize that life is short and full of new things. I hope that I’m doing everything I can to provide you with the best babyhood. The days are going by too fast. I love you so much little guy. I can’t wait to get outside and experience Spring with you. 

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Down By the Bay with Wyatt from KatieMacDonald on Vimeo.

   
  

   
        

My Struggle With Postpartum Depression

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(This post has been hard for me to write, but I am glad to be sharing my story.)

It’s two a.m. and I’m not sleeping. Again.

My newborn son has finally fallen asleep. I have been waiting for this moment all day. I’m exhausted. I should be sleeping.

Instead, I’m sitting in bed scrolling through baby message boards on my phone, falling into a deep rabbit hole of anxiety. I type question after question: “Is he eating enough?” “Why isn’t he sleeping?” “Is his poop normal“, “Am I interacting enough?” The questions go on and on. I know I need to sleep, I know the baby will be up in a short hour. But I can’t calm my mind.

Every night I search for an answer that I know I won’t find. I search for a way to justify the way I feel or a way to convince myself what I’m feeling is normal. But I know it is true: I am suffering from postpartum depression.

I waited my entire life to have a baby. I spent my pregnancy on cloud nine researching products and organizing a perfect nursery where I sat daydreaming about life with my baby.

After the birth of my son, I was overjoyed. I had an easy delivery (as easy as a C-section can go) and after five days, I was excited to go home.

I knew I would face challenges as a new mother, but I thought the love for my son would overpower them. Those first few weeks are a blur.

I felt anxious about everything. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t bonding with my baby. I felt overwhelmed by simple tasks. I would dread the end of the day, not wanting to face another never-ending night of doom and despair.

I had an enormous support system and visitors flooded in. I’d put on a smile and say all the right things, becoming an expert at masking my inner turmoil; too afraid of the judgment I would receive if people knew the truth.

I loved my son, so I chalked my anxieties up to the “baby blues” which the internet says dissipate around six weeks. So, I waited.

Six weeks came and went. As I emerged out of the fog of the newborn days my anxiety only became sharper.

Every day would end in tears. When my husband came home and ask me how I was, I’d sob uncontrollably. My husband would ask, “What is causing this?” And I would say I felt alone, lost, and like a failure and I had no idea why.

I was unraveling.

I had scary visions. I pictured my son falling out of my arms and tumbling down the stairs and cracking his skull open. I stood at the top of the stairs, paralyzed. I pictured him cold and blue, dead in his bassinet. I’d wake up and pat the bed frantically, searching for his unresponsive body, only to turn to my left to see him sleeping peacefully.

I felt unmotivated and couldn’t get out of bed until noon. Leaving the house on my own triggered panic attacks.

I would hold my beautiful baby and try to force myself to feel the love that I knew I felt. Because I did love my son, more than I thought was possible. But there were days I would stare down at his perfect little face and feel nothing. And it tore my heart apart.

I felt like such a failure. Any mother who truly loved her child would never think these thoughts, right?

I felt selfish. If I really loved my child I would stop these negative thoughts and perceiver, right?

I was terrified to admit how I felt, afraid to sound whiny or like I was looking for pity. I wanted to be like the strong and confident mothers that I felt were all around me.

There was nothing that I wanted more than to be a mother yet I felt so alone and sad. Postpartum depression felt like I was grieving a loss of something that I never knew.

I finally hit my breaking point. One night my husband and I were chatting before bed. I started crying and couldn’t contain myself. I ran outside and crawled into the backseat of my car and wailed for ten minutes. I didn’t want my husband or my baby to see me. I didn’t want to see myself.

I gained the courage to walk back inside. I asked my husband, “Do you think something is wrong with me?” I could see the fear in his eyes; he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I sat down and bawled, too afraid to say, “I have postpartum depression” out loud. Finally I whispered, “I need help.”

All the thoughts that had been haunting me for the past seven weeks poured out. I told him that I worry he doesn’t love me anymore because I turned into a monster since the birth of our son and that I worry my baby doesn’t love me – that I wasn’t bonding with him and never would.

The following morning I went to the doctor. Sweaty and shaking, I told her everything. She looked me in the eye and said, “I’m so glad you came.”

Relief washed over me.

She explained that more women than I think feel like this. That there is nothing to be shameful of, that motherhood is hard.

She recommended I start taking Lexapro, explaining that the side effects of having a depressed mother were certainly worse than any side effects of the drug in my milk.

I walked out of that doctor’s appointment with a confidence I hadn’t felt since before my son was born. I had a plan and I was ready to take care of myself.

It’s been four months since I started my recovery and I’m still taking one day at a time. There are still hard days that end in tears, but, the good days outnumber the bad days.

Knowing that I am taking the best care for myself, and in turn my son, gets me through.

The American Psychological Association states that 1 in 7 women will experience postpartum depression. It is much more common than you think. I share my story to encourage others to speak up and get help.

The more we share our stories, the more we will diminish the stigma surrounding postpartum depression.

My debut into motherhood was nothing like I expected, and it left me broken. But, my true, loving, strong self was hidden beneath those crippling thoughts. Support is out there. I only wish I would have sought it sooner.

 

 

My Little Valentine

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” Elizabeth Stone

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Wyatt and I are gearing up for Valentine’s Day! I’m thrilled to have more love to celebrate with this year. We happened to realize we were watching in our red and white the other day, so we decided to take a few photos.

The valentine in the photo is a valentine that my 90-year-old Pop-Pop received as a child. My mom has a whole collection of them.

I then I decided to do a slight blog logo re-design. I haven’t updated this space since I started this blog 3 years ago – – – what do you think?  overallsvday4 overallvday6 overallvday7

Happy Weekend everyone!

Wyatt: 3 Months

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Wyatt turned three months yesterday! We have officially made it through the “fourth trimester” as they call it.

Weight: 11 pounds 4 ounces (13% and we’re working on getting his weight up)

Length: 24.5 inches (74%) 

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Hair: Dark brown

Eyes: Blue

Nicknames: Wy, Wy Guy, Mr. Man

Likes: Eating, looking at books, and talking and singing back to us. His favorite is Deck The Halls. He laughs and smiles every time during the Fa La La La La’s! He likes to cuddle and be rocked to sleep. Overall he’s a pretty content little baby. 

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Dislikes: Being woken up from a nap, tummy time, doing his neck exercises, when people sneeze, and tummy time. 

Clothing and Diapers: Still in 0-3 month clothing and size 1 diapers. I won’t lie, dressing him is a highlight of my day!

Sleep: At night he still sleeps in the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper attached to my side of the bed. He is mostly sleeping through the night now at 7-8 hours! It’s amazing! However, now we are trying to get his weight back up so I have to wake him up to feed in the middle of the night again and also wake up and pump. Hopefully we get my supply up soon and can go back to sleeping through the night. He takes 2-3 naps a day. He sleeps much better at night if he takes a good nap during the day. 

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Feeding: He eats every 3 hours (or less during the day.) He’s a very good little eater and takes the bottle well while I’m at work. 

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Play: He still loves laying on his activity mat and kicking and loves his piano gym. His favorite toys are Pete the Panda and Carl the Caterpillar and his singing puppy. He’s fully discovered his hands and feet and they provide solid entertainment to him. 

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Health Issues:

Torticollis: We are seeing an improvement with Wyatt’s torticollis. Physical therapy is going well and he’s getting a better range of motion with his neck and head. The doctor said he definitely will not have to wear a helmet and will be fine in a few months. Wyatt hates doing the exercises though, he resists so much and cries. 

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Weight: Wyatt is not gaining weight as fast as he should be. He’s fine, but we are just trying to get him to gain a little more. The lactation consultants have been wonderful and put me on a power pumping schedule this past weekend. I pump every three hours and once a day I do a power pumping where I pump for 10 minutes, rest for 10 minutes, for an hour. It makes me sore, but it’s what Wyatt needs right now. 

Back to Work: I went back to work part-time on November 16. It’s hard. Very hard. I miss him the entire day and feel guilty being away from him. He’s doing great being with my mom, but I can’t wait until I go to pick him up and he gives me the biggest smile. This past month has been filled with many tears though. I wish we did not have to be separated. 

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Thanksgiving: We celebrated a very grateful Thanksgiving together. So much to be grateful for this year and so much love to give. 

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What I want to remember:

The big smiles he gives me when he wakes up.

The way his face lights up when we sing to him.

His funny little gasping laugh. 

How strong he kicks when lying down. 

How he focusses on us and his toys so intently. What is he thinking about?

How he loves the Christmas tree.

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Dear Wyatt,

We made it to the three month mark! I know I said this last month, but our days together are just so much fun. I love experiencing the days through your eyes and seeing you delight in small things like fun eyes on toys, the lights on the tree, and my silly singing voice. My world is so complete with you in it. I already find myself missing the newborn days, but am loving every new day and how happy and content you are to be part of it. This is going to be a very special month ahead with the holidays. I can’t wait! 

Love, Mommy

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Wyatt: Two Months

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On Saturday, Wyatt turned two months old!

This past month he continued to grow and change every day. He’s grown from our tiny newborn who mainly slept, pooped, and fed all day into a baby boy with his own unique developing personality. My low on sleep nights are now rewarded with the cutest baby smiles each morning. He’s also becoming a little cooing chatter box. He loves to have “conversations” with us and it’s the cutest thing ever. 

His hair is growing in more, although he still has a baby receding hairline. He loves when you sit him up so he can look at you better and doesn’t want to be held as much as he did a few weeks ago. He’s a little squirmy guy. 

I feel like this past month we’ve finally settled into a routine together. I’ve gained more confidence as a mother and have figured out Wyatt’s needs and how to care better for myself at the same time. We are getting more sleep and I’ve moved on out of my “maternity bubble” and do a lot of activities outside the house. We spend our days playing at home, visiting friends, going out for lunch, taking walks, napping together, and of course eating. 

I’m not looking forward to returning to work next week, but I know he’ll be in good hands with my mom.

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Wyatt had his one month doctor appointment today so we got his new stats:

Weight: 10 pounds 9 ounces (26%)

Length: 24.5 inches (92%) wow!

He did ok with his vaccines, it was painful for Ryan and I to hear him screaming.

We also learned that he has Infant Torticollis and needs baby physical therapy….I was fearing this because he favors his left side and cannot easily turn his neck and head to the right. Therefore his neck muscles are very tight and need to be worked out. The left side of his head is also soft because of this. All problems that can be fixed with therapy and us keeping a close eye on him. 

Hair: Dark brown

Eyes: Blue

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Nicknames: Wy, Wy Guy, Mr. Man

Likes: Kicking, “talking”, eating, going for walks, being sung to, staring at faces, looking at picture books, and his singing puppy dog toy. He also loves his wubanubs now. I held off until he was one month old but now, it’s sometimes the only thing that calms him down when he’s tired and upset. 

Dislikes: Getting dressed, being woken up from a nap and tummy time. Really, that’s it. He’s a good baby. 

Clothing and Diapers: He’s mostly in 0-3 months clothes, although some are still baggy. He has such a tiny little waist and tush! He’s now in size 1 diapers. I tried to get him started on our collection of cloth diapers, but his waist is still a little too tiny. I’ve packed up most of his newborn clothes. Some are so tiny, that I already can’t believe he was that small. It was sad to say goodbye to some of those cute little clothes. 

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Sleep: At night he still sleeps in the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper attached to my side of the bed. On average he sleeps for 3 hours stretches at night and 5 hours a couple times a week. Twice he’s slept for 7 hours at a time. That was amazing. During the day he takes about 3 naps, I don’t have him on any type of restricted schedule. 

Feeding: He still eats every 3 hours (or less during the day.) He’s a very good little eater and I’m so thankful that breastfeeding is going so well. 

Play: Wyatt loves to lie on the floor and kick and flail his arms about. He still likes to look in the mirror and stare at the toys on his activity mats. He loves music and likes any toys that play music or when we sing to him. 

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What I want to remember:

How perfect his tiny toes and fingers are and how soft his porcelain skin is. 

The way his face lights up when he sees me.

How pure his baby smile is.

The way he now makes eye contact me while he eats and sometimes holds my finger. It makes me feel so connected to him. 

His beautiful eye lashes. 

How peaceful he looks sleeping. I take way too many sleeping pictures.

How everything is a brand new experience and it’s so fun to experience it with him. 

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Dear Wyatt,

You presence in my life makes every day a gift. Every day I look forward to see what new things you will learn or how you will change and grow. I can’t wait to continue to have fun with you and experience everything anew. This past month I found myself falling more in love with you. Maybe it’s the smiles or our conversations but you feel more like a member of our family than a strange little newborn that appeared in our lives. The holidays are approaching, and although you may not know exactly what is going on, it is going to be so fun to celebrate as a family of three. We love you with all our hearts.

Mommy

Now time for picture overload!

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